Coaching · emotions, relationships, life balance
For the ones everyone counts on.
You take care of everyone, except yourself? I help you listen to what you feel, say what you need and take your place.
20 minutes, free and with no commitment, to get to know each other and see if my coaching suits you. Online, or in Saint-Amand-les-Eaux (northern France).
Become your own ally.
Certified coach
since 2014
50+
people coached
500 h
of coaching
Do you recognise yourself?
Everyday life for the ones everyone counts on.
- I say yes before I’ve even thought about it.
- I skip my lunch break to answer other people.
- I’m very demanding of myself. One small mistake, and I blame myself all evening.
- I rarely ask for help. And when someone offers, I say “leave it, I’ll handle it”.
- I avoid conflict, even if it means ruminating for days.
- Someone tells me about a problem, and I’m the one who leaves with it.
- I don’t show it when I’m struggling. I hold on, until it all spills over.
- I feel guilty when I rest.
- I hold on until the holidays, and fall ill on the first day.
- When someone asks how I am, I talk about other people.
If several of these sentences sound like you, it isn’t a lack of willpower: it’s a way of being that protected you for a long time. The aim isn’t to be there less for others. It’s for you, too, to be able to count on someone. Starting with yourself.
These ten sentences don’t say it all. See more situations, at work, at home and in your commitments →
Not ready to talk yet? Get the free ebook “7 signs you’re forgetting yourself”. Get the ebook →
They moved forward
It gave me access to a confidence and a peace of mind I didn’t imagine were within reach.
H.
What mattered most to me was not having to reject my previous way of doing things.
S.
The surprise of understanding my feelings and being able to share them with others.
P.
Who it’s for
Where do people count on you the most?
Coaching starts where you need it most.
In your life
Your loved ones count on you
Family, partner, friends: you’re the one who listens, helps, sorts things out. You learn to be there for yourself too.
- Saying no without feeling guilty
- Expressing what you feel, before it spills over
- Finding time for yourself again
At work
Your team counts on you
Managers, project leads, experts: you do things in other people’s place, especially when the organisation is changing. You learn to help your team grow instead of carrying everything.
- Delegating and helping your team grow, instead of carrying everything
- Saying what you think, even when you disagree
- Taking your place without crushing others
In your commitments
The people you help count on you
Carers, teachers, volunteers, activists: you give a lot, to the point of exhaustion. You learn to rest, instead of giving up.
- Acting for the long run, without burning out
- Setting limits without giving up your values
- Staying connected to what drives you
My view
What makes people count on you is also what wears you out.
When a quality wears you out
Your qualities are real, and they’re why people trust you. But when they take up all the room, they turn against you.
| The quality | Pushed too far |
|---|---|
| Reliable | You carry everything, even what isn’t yours to carry. |
| Responsible | You do things for others, instead of delegating. |
| Sensitive | You pick up everything other people feel, and forget what you feel. |
After so long meeting other people’s expectations, you know exactly what they want, and much less what you want.
Why willpower isn’t enough
Behind the need to do things well there is often a quieter fear: disappointing people, being a bother, no longer being loved. This way of being protected you for a long time, and it’s so familiar you no longer see it. That’s why you can want to change and still feel stuck.
What helps
It all starts with awareness: putting an image and words to your way of being, so you can finally see what escaped you. Then you develop new capacities: allowing yourself a break, asking, saying no. That’s what I call becoming your own ally.
About me
Kévin Solinski, coach in self-acceptance and assertiveness
I help sensitive, committed people, the ones everyone counts on, to become their own ally.
For a long time, I wanted to please everyone. I didn’t dare say no, or even “I don’t know”. When someone asked for the time I had set aside for sport, I couldn’t answer “I’m already busy”. I didn’t make requests: I didn’t really know what I wanted. I stayed in my emotions for a long time without understanding them, or seeing the needs they hid. Coaching and therapy helped me change. I learned to take care of myself, to accept myself, limits included, and to recharge. That path is what shapes the way I coach today.
Curious by nature, I have explored many approaches to personal development, therapy and spirituality. From them I built a practical approach that links emotions, body, communication and engagement in the world.
Respecting yourself and respecting others go together. You can say things clearly without hurting, assert yourself without crushing, love without losing yourself, and take your place without taking someone else’s.
How we move forward
A step-by-step path. Most of it happens between sessions.
- Becoming aware Putting words to your way of being, what it gives you and what it costs you.
- Stepping back Noticing, in the moment, when your automatic reactions take over.
- Reconnecting with yourself Finding calm again, and contact with what you feel.
- Developing new capacities Saying, asking, refusing, getting through conflict, recharging.
- Putting it into practice Trying things out between sessions, until they become natural.
- Becoming your own ally Being able to count on yourself, when everyone counts on you.
In practice: one session every 2 to 3 weeks, online or in Saint-Amand-les-Eaux. After each session, you receive a written summary to keep moving until the next one.
Testimonials
What they say.
Thank you for helping me become much kinder to myself.
K.
I feel freer in my choices and my stance, without worrying about how others see me. Able to say no.
N.
In 10 sessions over 7 months, I deeply changed how I see my place at work, and in my family too.
L.
The coaching made me realise that my overall way of functioning could sometimes limit me and take me away from what I truly want.
A.
Before you start
Is it really for you?
This coaching is for you if…
- you’re often the person everyone counts on, and you forget yourself;
- you feel your old ways of functioning are no longer enough;
- you are willing to practise what we explore in sessions, with small exercises at home or at work, a few minutes a day.
It will suit you less if…
- you’re looking for a ready-made method or someone to decide for you;
- you mainly want to change other people or circumstances;
- you’re going through a very fragile time (depression, deep exhaustion): medical support will be more suitable at first.
Not sure? Let’s talk about it in a free first conversation →
Packages
Start small, go deep.
You never commit in advance. You start with an exploration session, then decide at each step whether to continue. Every package is available at half price for small budgets (students, job seekers, modest incomes…). No proof needed: you choose in good conscience.
First of all, a free 20-minute conversation. Contact me →
Exploration session
120 € · 1 session
Small budget: €60
- 1 h 30 to clarify your situation
- See if we work well together
Recommended
In depth
840 € · 10 sessions over 6 months
Small budget: €420
- 2 opening sessions of 1 h 30, 7 of 1 h 15,
1 closing session of 45 min - Written support after each session
First session €120 (€60 small budget)
Following sessions €90 (€45 small budget)
Final review session free
For organisations
On quotation
- Individual coaching for managers and project leads
- Three-way agreement with your organisation (HR or manager)
- In French or in English
If you proceed, the cost of the exploration is deducted from the program.
Resources
To go further.
Latest blog posts
-
Letting Go When Everyone Counts on You
Read →: Letting Go When Everyone Counts on YouPeople tell you to “just let go”, as if it were a switch. When everyone counts on you, letting go feels risky.…
-
The Karpman Drama Triangle: When Rescuing Others Wears You Out
Read →: The Karpman Drama Triangle: When Rescuing Others Wears You OutPersecutor, Victim, Rescuer: the Karpman drama triangle explains why wanting to help can wear you out, especially when everyone counts on you.
-
Carp, Shark or Dolphin: Staying Firm Without Turning Hard
Read →: Carp, Shark or Dolphin: Staying Firm Without Turning HardCarp, shark or dolphin: three reflexes under pressure. How to stay firm without turning hard, and finally count yourself in the win-win.
Free ebook
The ones everyone counts on: 7 signs you are forgetting yourself
A short guide to spot where you forget yourself day to day, at work and at home. Sent with the newsletter, about once a month.
Contact
Shall we start with a first conversation?
Write me a few lines about what brings you here. I’ll reply within 48 hours to set up a first 20-minute conversation, free and with no commitment.
If you want to continue, we start with a 1 h 30 exploration session, online or in Saint-Amand-les-Eaux, €120 (€60 small budget).
kevin@kevinsolinski.com
You can also follow me on